Yesterday when I talked to Homer - he told me I had lost 5 pounds. I didn't believe him at the time because I had a really BAD weekend.
(I really did eat an entire box of cookies, but in my defense, they were the expensive 12-cookies-in-a-box imported ones. I figure if I am going to indulge in something unhealthy, I might as well do it with something really good. It seems like kind of a waste to blow calories on vanilla wafers.)
So this morning I decided to cheat and weigh in again.
2 Pounds.
Not as good as 5, but better than none.
And I didn't gain, and I could have gained 3 pounds so in actuality it is like a 5 pound loss.
Yippee. I'm awesome!
I love rationalization.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
My Date with Homer
Homer is my friend.
Every Monday morning, just before getting in the shower, I weigh myself on my trusty digital bathroom scale named Homer. He doesn't judge me. He doesn't laugh as I remove every stitch of clothing as if the weight of a sock could tip the balance. I am excited to have him talk to me, hoping my efforts to eat right and exercise have paid off. He refrains from screaming in agony as I step on him. Homer blips through the numbers teasingly while I wait with bated breath for the magical number. He silently cheers me on as the numbers go down. He gleefully gives me the most encouraging news.
"You are succeeding! Keep it up. It's all worth it."
I love Homer.
Homer is my enemy.
Every Monday morning, just before getting in the shower, I weigh myself on my traitorous digital bathroom scale named Homer. He sits there on the floor and mocks me. I dread talking to him - fearing that I have gained more weight, knowing I shouldn't have eaten that entire box of cookies. I step on and he creaks as if my weight is crushing the very soul from him. Homer stalls cruelly, making me wait in apprehension for the fatal number. He silently taunts me as the numbers go up. He gleefully delivers the crushing blow.
"You didn't lose any weight. You are a failure. Give up now."
I hate Homer.
Every Monday morning, just before getting in the shower, I weigh myself on my trusty digital bathroom scale named Homer. He doesn't judge me. He doesn't laugh as I remove every stitch of clothing as if the weight of a sock could tip the balance. I am excited to have him talk to me, hoping my efforts to eat right and exercise have paid off. He refrains from screaming in agony as I step on him. Homer blips through the numbers teasingly while I wait with bated breath for the magical number. He silently cheers me on as the numbers go down. He gleefully gives me the most encouraging news.
"You are succeeding! Keep it up. It's all worth it."
I love Homer.
Homer is my enemy.
Every Monday morning, just before getting in the shower, I weigh myself on my traitorous digital bathroom scale named Homer. He sits there on the floor and mocks me. I dread talking to him - fearing that I have gained more weight, knowing I shouldn't have eaten that entire box of cookies. I step on and he creaks as if my weight is crushing the very soul from him. Homer stalls cruelly, making me wait in apprehension for the fatal number. He silently taunts me as the numbers go up. He gleefully delivers the crushing blow.
"You didn't lose any weight. You are a failure. Give up now."
I hate Homer.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Blech!
I really should know better, but I guess hope springs eternal.
I always weigh in first thing on Monday mornings. I try really hard not to think about whether or not I am actually loosing weight and just focus on living a healthier life style. But come on, let's face it. The weight is the benchmark. The physical evidence that you are doing something right.
Anyway, this week I have really tried hard to start eating right and exercising - I even got up one morning at 5:30 so I could do aerobics.
So I thought I would cheat a little and check my weight half-way through the week and see how I was doing. I figured it would give me a little pick-me-up and encourage me to keep working hard.
Half a pound.
That's it. For all the effort and sacrifice and sweat so far this week - I have lost 0.4 (that's zero point four) pounds.
Are you serious?!
So now I am trying desperately to not get discouraged. If that's all the result I get from working hard - then why should I try?
To try to do some damage control I thought of all the things I didn't do that I should have or things I ate that I shouldn't have. Bad idea. Now I am discouraged because I THOUGHT I was doing so well and now I realize I wasn't. Kind of like a runner in a marathon realizing that not only has he only gone 50 feet from the starting line - he has been walking instead of running.
Ok.
Deep breath.
If we are to continue with the marathon analogy - I still have 26.19999999 miles to go, but I have started. I'm not just sitting on my butt back at the starting line munchin' on a donut and watching other people run by.
No more weighing in mid-week!
Now, back to the race.
I always weigh in first thing on Monday mornings. I try really hard not to think about whether or not I am actually loosing weight and just focus on living a healthier life style. But come on, let's face it. The weight is the benchmark. The physical evidence that you are doing something right.
Anyway, this week I have really tried hard to start eating right and exercising - I even got up one morning at 5:30 so I could do aerobics.
So I thought I would cheat a little and check my weight half-way through the week and see how I was doing. I figured it would give me a little pick-me-up and encourage me to keep working hard.
Half a pound.
That's it. For all the effort and sacrifice and sweat so far this week - I have lost 0.4 (that's zero point four) pounds.
Are you serious?!
So now I am trying desperately to not get discouraged. If that's all the result I get from working hard - then why should I try?
To try to do some damage control I thought of all the things I didn't do that I should have or things I ate that I shouldn't have. Bad idea. Now I am discouraged because I THOUGHT I was doing so well and now I realize I wasn't. Kind of like a runner in a marathon realizing that not only has he only gone 50 feet from the starting line - he has been walking instead of running.
Ok.
Deep breath.
If we are to continue with the marathon analogy - I still have 26.19999999 miles to go, but I have started. I'm not just sitting on my butt back at the starting line munchin' on a donut and watching other people run by.
No more weighing in mid-week!
Now, back to the race.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Where am I now?
Here's where I am as I start this blog.
And so we come to the vicious catch 22:
The problem with all this is that almost all my problems are related to my weight.
But it is hard to lose weight because these problems make it hard to exercise.
Somehow I have to find a way to break the stalemate. I think I have to just fight through the physical pain, knowing that as I lose weight, the problems will ease.
Plus, in reality, I think I use the health problems as an excuse. They are real problems, and I am in pain pretty much all the time. But I always claim that I have a high pain threshold. So why don’t I prove it by just gritting my teeth and doing what I have to in order to lose the weight?
It seems that the other issues in my life – money, social, house, work, etc. - are all secondary to this overwhelming issue. So for now, this has to be my focus. Not in a “I’m going on a diet” kind of way, but in a “I have got to take control of my life” way.
I am morbidly obese and I hate it.
I refuse to live the rest of my life this way!
Health:
- I weigh 340 pounds. Although that is down from the 360 I was at a few months ago.
- I have 2 bad knees. Two surgeries for a torn meniscus, no cartilage left, osteoarthritis
- I have a bad foot. Bone spur, plantar fasciitis
- I have a really bad foot. Major surgery for an unhealed break, bone spur, accessory navicular syndrome, and a messed-up tendon.
- I have a bad back. 3 degenerative discs in my lower back.
- I have high blood pressure.
- I am still on blood thinners from a blood clot episode. (Blech!)
- I wouldn’t be surprised if I have type 2 diabetes but I don’t want to go to the doctor to find out.
- I am tired ALL the time.
And so we come to the vicious catch 22:
The problem with all this is that almost all my problems are related to my weight.
But it is hard to lose weight because these problems make it hard to exercise.
Somehow I have to find a way to break the stalemate. I think I have to just fight through the physical pain, knowing that as I lose weight, the problems will ease.
Plus, in reality, I think I use the health problems as an excuse. They are real problems, and I am in pain pretty much all the time. But I always claim that I have a high pain threshold. So why don’t I prove it by just gritting my teeth and doing what I have to in order to lose the weight?
It seems that the other issues in my life – money, social, house, work, etc. - are all secondary to this overwhelming issue. So for now, this has to be my focus. Not in a “I’m going on a diet” kind of way, but in a “I have got to take control of my life” way.
I am morbidly obese and I hate it.
I refuse to live the rest of my life this way!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
And thus it begins
Ok, the hardest thing about starting a new blog is finding just the right name. Unfortunately, bzillions of people have gone through the same process and so as soon as you find just the right name, you discover that it has already been used. It is a rather disheartening experience to realize you aren't really as clever as you thought you were.
But that is all beside the point since the entire purpose of this blog is to encourage MYSELF and hold MYSELF accountable for my actions. So in reality I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks of my blog title. It is just what I need. Encouragement and support from a non-judgemental computer screen. (How pathetic is that?)
Well, as they say, desperate times call for desperate measures. I am definitely desperate. I can't keep living my life the way it is. It sucks! But no one can change it but me so I'd better get started.
First Step: Start a record -
Where am I now? Where do I want to be? How do I get there?
But that is all beside the point since the entire purpose of this blog is to encourage MYSELF and hold MYSELF accountable for my actions. So in reality I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks of my blog title. It is just what I need. Encouragement and support from a non-judgemental computer screen. (How pathetic is that?)
Well, as they say, desperate times call for desperate measures. I am definitely desperate. I can't keep living my life the way it is. It sucks! But no one can change it but me so I'd better get started.
First Step: Start a record -
Where am I now? Where do I want to be? How do I get there?
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